What should you expect during a divorce?
Divorce expectations explained – St Cloud Divorce Attorney David Buchin
Knowing what to expect in a divorce can help prepare you for the journey.
No two divorces are the same, yet each one has an impact on everyone’s lives who are involved. That being said, there are some general things to expect if you are going through a divorce. These include emotions, disagreements, and even mistakes! Take some of the stress away and learn more about what to expect during the divorce process to help you not only prepare for the process, but to also give yourself a break when things don’t go exactly how you planned or wanted.
Expect to be emotional!
Expect to feel a sense of loss after your decision to get a divorce. You have put time and energy into your marriage that is now coming to an end. There was love involved, which is a strong emotion to get over! Expect to spend some time getting past your divorce and to not take yourself too seriously during this period.
Divorce is a big environment for disagreements
Disagreements are a part of any divorce. Definitely expect disagreements if your divorce is a contested divorce, where only one spouse wants the divorce and the other spouse does not. If both spouses agree on the divorce, you will be splitting up your assets that you built together throughout your marriage, and both sides are going to disagree on something they do not want to give up. It is an emotional and personal process, making it an easy environment for disagreements. Preparing for debates will also prepare and help you to keep emotions and personal issues out of the debates, making the process an easier one to navigate.
Compromise. Compromise. Compromise
When preparing for disagreements, you can also prepare to compromise on the different aspects of the divorce. Splitting up different assets or talking about child custody or spousal maintenance, neither side is going to get everything they want out of the deal. Plan points ahead of time that you are set on and what points you are willing to negotiate, so you are prepared to have your priorities ready to use during negotiations.
Mistakes! Nobody’s perfect
At the end of the day, you can’t plan for everything in life. You don’t have the knowledge and experience of a divorce attorney, so there is no way to know what to do during every situation in a divorce. Divorce is personal and emotional, and it is easy to try to put these aspects to the side. Don’t expect the emotional aspects of the divorce to not play a part during the divorce in some way. This can lead to mistakes, so being prepared and realizing nobody’s perfect can become an easy way to move passed them.
Attorneys can minimize those mistakes
A divorce attorney is someone with experience and expertise in the small details of a divorce case. Even in an uncontested divorce, people can make mistakes when filing different paperwork, which can come back later in life and make things difficult. A divorce attorney can be used as someone to double check all of the paperwork and be a third party with an already established relationship with the courts and the divorce process. Lastly, having an attorney on hand can be helpful during disputes over different aspects of your divorce. Even during an uncontested divorce, there can be disagreements on where different assets will go after the separation and a divorce attorney can provide a source of support in making sure you don’t get shorted during negotiations.
Everyone will be impacted, even your children
No matter the situation, if you have children they will have questions and will be impacted in some way by your divorce. Be prepared to have a conversation with your children by having talking points ready and thought out in order to fully explain the situation to them. Making your children the top priority and making decisions with their best interest in mind can also help them through the transition. Vague decisions are often confusing for children, and leaving them not knowing what to expect can make the transition harder for them.
Divorce is a big environment for disagreements
Disagreements are a part of any divorce. Definitely expect disagreements if your divorce is a contested divorce, where only one spouse wants the divorce and the other spouse does not. If both spouses agree on the divorce, you will be splitting up your assets that you built together throughout your marriage, and both sides are going to disagree on something they do not want to give up. It is an emotional and personal process, making it an easy environment for disagreements. Preparing for debates will also prepare and help you to keep emotions and personal issues out of the debates, making the process an easier one to navigate.
Compromise. Compromise. Compromise
When preparing for disagreements, you can also prepare to compromise on the different aspects of the divorce. Splitting up different assets or talking about child custody or spousal maintenance, neither side is going to get everything they want out of the deal. Plan points ahead of time that you are set on and what points you are willing to negotiate, so you are prepared to have your priorities ready to use during negotiations.
Mistakes! Nobody’s perfect
At the end of the day, you can’t plan for everything in life. You don’t have the knowledge and experience of a divorce attorney, so there is no way to know what to do during every situation in a divorce. Divorce is personal and emotional, and it is easy to try to put these aspects to the side. Don’t expect the emotional aspects of the divorce to not play a part during the divorce in some way. This can lead to mistakes, so being prepared and realizing nobody’s perfect can become an easy way to move passed them.
Attorneys can minimize those mistakes
A divorce attorney is someone with experience and expertise in the small details of a divorce case. Even in an uncontested divorce, people can make mistakes when filing different paperwork, which can come back later in life and make things difficult. A divorce attorney can be used as someone to double check all of the paperwork and be a third party with an already established relationship with the courts and the divorce process. Lastly, having an attorney on hand can be helpful during disputes over different aspects of your divorce. Even during an uncontested divorce, there can be disagreements on where different assets will go after the separation and a divorce attorney can provide a source of support in making sure you don’t get shorted during negotiations.
Everyone will be impacted, even your children
No matter the situation, if you have children they will have questions and will be impacted in some way by your divorce. Be prepared to have a conversation with your children by having talking points ready and thought out in order to fully explain the situation to them. Making your children the top priority and making decisions with their best interest in mind can also help them through the transition. Vague decisions are often confusing for children, and leaving them not knowing what to expect can make the transition harder for them.
You can’t do it by yourself!
Your attorney will be very helpful during all of the technical parts of your divorce, but you also need help for the emotional parts. Having people on your side who better understand the personal and more emotional sides of your divorce can help you work through your own emotions. This can be family, friends, or even a professional therapist. Some things to consider are to make sure you are not forcing friends to take sides throughout this process and the importance of having someone to vent to so your children do not accidentally become that person.
A new daily schedule and social life may be hard to find…but keep trying!!
Whether it’s the new parenting plan for your children or cooking for one person rather than two, your schedule and social life will change in some way or another. Taking some time to really try out different and new things to your schedule or social activities before giving up can be very helpful! Don’t expect to find your new habits right away, but to ease into it. Another thing to consider is your friendships with others. Some friends were made with your spouse and some were made just by you at work or through family. Don’t automatically rule out friendships you made with your spouse, but don’t force them to “take sides” in your divorce. Sides don’t always have to be taken and meeting up for coffee or dinner with old friends can still be a part of your routine. Another source of social activity could be divorce support groups! Sometimes these can be found on different social media sites or they could be in-person meet-ups with different groups and planned activities. It can be a great source to find new hobbies and new friends you can make without your spouse.
Your divorce is unique!
The biggest thing to expect during your divorce is that it will be unique to your own situation. Advice from other people is great and usually helpful, but expect to find your own path through the divorce process. What works for one couple may not work for the next. Be patient with yourself and know that you are making a hard decision to make your future better for everyone involved. Have your people to support you through the process, but support yourself as well.
Disclaimer: No information provided on this website should be perceived as legal advice. The content of this website is only intended to provide general information. Only the establishment of an attorney-client relationship with Buchin Law Office can lead to the inception of legal advice from any member of the office team.